How to Make a Filipino Movie (and Make Money Out of It!)

You think you're eligible enough to be the country's next award-winning top movie producer? Well, you might just be one if you set your eyes to it--or follow these simple steps to work your way through the Philippine movie industry.

1. Throw in the Cheesiness

If you think you have what it takes to make a romantic movie, then all you have to do is to follow these basic steps.

First, randomly pick out two actors (one male and one female) and pair them up--it doesn't matter if they even look good together or not. Name the movie after the title of any famous or old, cheesy romantic song, or you may pick a line from these songs. It's almost always like this--I wouldn't be that surprised if in five, ten, or fifteen years we would have movies called "We Found Love", "Call Me Maybe" or "Next to You". Have someone sing a cover version of the song you selected and put it in as part of the movie's original soundtrack. Again, it does not matter if the cover version actually sounds good or not. 

Story-wise, first have these two lead actors' characters in a situation that would make people think that they would never end up together (for example--the lead actor comes from a filthy rich family while the lead actress works as a maid). Then by some random twist of fate, they do end up falling in love, but with a twist--either one is actually already engaged or one is suddenly diagnosed with a deadly illness, or whichever works for you. By the end of the movie, however, they do end up together anyway, and they live happily ever after.

Making a movie like this takes A LOT of hard work, so it would be a shame if the movie does not earn enough money to make it a "box office hit". This is where the promotions come in.

A promotions campaign for a Filipino romantic movie would never be complete without a mall tour. So, load up your actors in a van and bring them to any mall (Star Mall, Ever Gotesco or Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall, anyone?), where people could watch them flirt with each other and sing the movie's "official song" (based on the title), even if one or both of them couldn't really sing to save their lives. People LOVE that, and it makes them kilig. I'm not even kidding.

2. Repetition, repetition, repetition!

The Filipino audience just LOVES seeing movie franchises stretched and used to a point that you wouldn't believe (and which some Hollywood producers wouldn't even dare doing). People just love it when the same movie franchises grace the annual film festivals, and they just can't stop watching them. While some people may say "Oh no...not this movie franchise again!" others just simply enjoy seeing the same movie franchises with the same cast (though sometimes these repetitions may feature a new set of actors) reprise their roles as a mother of twelve or a superhero. 

I mean, so what if that horror film franchise Shake Rattle & Roll reaches its 55th edition? People will continue to watch it! 

Hmm...something tells me we haven't seen the last of Vic Sotto as Enteng Kabisote.

3. Don't Forget the Nudity! (for Indie Films only)

...or male nudity, in particular, which is a common sight in many of these independent films nowadays, and is probably the main reason why people would even actually watch these type of movies. You may also want to throw in a bit of female nudity if you want, just so you could attract a bit more people to watch your films, which are usually just shown in a few mall cinemas (and *coughs* that state university in Diliman *coughs*), because a lot of other cinemas deem these films to be inappropriate. 

Also, when you're being interviewed about your movie, refer to it as an "art film" that aims to "expose the people to the harsh realities of life in the Philippines". Avoid calling them softcore pornographic films (which they actually are) because even less cinemas would want to play them. 

4. Make the people cry buckets

Filipinos are known to be one of the happiest people on Earth--despite the poverty and other problems plaguing our country, Filipinos are still able to laugh off these problems. This is why Filipinos turn to drama films (or TV series) as a form of escapism--to escape from the general "happiness" that Filipinos are known to have.

So how do you make the ideal Filipino tearjerker?

Well, as Asians, nothing is more important to Filipinos than the family. One's family means so much to a Filipino, and one would be willing to make a lot of sacrifices just to make his or her family happy (case in point: overseas Filipino workers).

To make a successful Filipino drama film, make the story revolve around a family. Not just any family, though--it has to be a family that is going through a lot (and I do mean A LOT) of challenges. Hmm...maybe you could make one member of the family mentally retarded; or make the family dirt poor; or make one of the lead characters an OFW who has to leave his or her family in the Philippines to work abroad, or whatever. Make the family suffer throughout the movie--nothing captivates the Filipino audience more than seeing people suffer in a movie (quite sadistic--but, yeah).

Every Filipino drama film has to have one super mega intense confrontation scene--this usually comes in as the film reaches its climax, and this is where most of the tears from the audience are expected. Have the characters scream at each other's throats, and match it with seemingly endless sobbing, wailing, and slapping. End this confrontation scene with the two fighting characters hugging each other while crying, then cue the dramatic music in the background.

Plus points, too, if you add in a "lean-against-the-wall-and-slowly-slide-down-then-wail-as-loudly-as-you-can" scene, and even more plus points if someone actually dies in the movie.